He wakes up well before most, packs his lunch and pulls on his uniform he knows will be foul smelling and soaked by midday. His boots are like a helmet for a grid iron player, he knows it’s time to do what he has to do. The mornings give him some sort of peace though because it’s usually just him, his own time, his own music, making his way to the job site and each day is possibly a chance for change. He fronts up to other workers who he really likes and because they are generally in the same boat in many ways. The day consists of mundane tasks, hard manual labour with the harsh sun beating down, where constantly he’s wishing he could be somewhere else. There has to be an easier way to make this money!? He thinks about the toll it takes on his body and face, feeling he’s ageing before his time. He has little-to-no time to train like he used to, the hectic home life makes it hard for him to maintain a diet that he would rather. He feels and looks shit. He has a beautiful wife though and amazing kids at home who he lives for. At times he zones out throughout the day thinking of the good times, goals, ambitions for them all, but is often interrupted by cruel reality of being stuck in this industry because financially, it is all he can do! Bills roll in, he earns a good wage but they never stop and it’s hard for him to catch breathing space when it comes to money. And so he resigns to the fact this is all he is – A provider, a cog in the machine, people need him but he has lost his self. He entertains the idea of maybe one day his marriage will fail and he’ll be alone, someone else will come along and reap the rewards of his years of hard labour. His confidence is shot to bits and paranoia is often a factor in his day. He battles through these days focussed on returning to his home, what he feels is his safe haven with those nearest and dearest. He imagined all day a nice kiss from his wife whom he adores, a clean house, happy kids etc. From outside it appears he has it all, but if you asked him he’d quite often tell you he’s doing it tough because of what eats him from inside. When he gets home, nothing stops, he just has to fit in. It’s anyone’s guess as to what moods he will be greeted with and quite often they’re less than desirable so shrinks back into his shell to survive the evening. When the smoke clears, kids are asleep, wife is laying in bed on her phone, there’s little to no physical interaction between them anymore. He doesn’t really confide in her because he knows she carries the kid’s worries and many of her friend’s problems. This breaks his heart and he wonders how long it will be like this, whether it will change, what can he do to make it better etc. etc. etc. His head reels every night, he should be asleep but the brain never rests and so he’s running through a million issues until way past a healthy set of sleep cycles. When things are good they’re great, when they’re bad, they are absolutely heart breaking. He drinks more than he should because the can doesn’t argue. He contemplates leaving the earth but knows too many people need him. He’s also been witness to way too much of that type of heartache. Several friends and friends of friends have given in. His own mother attempted and very nearly succeeded. He still has the note she left him. He knows he’s strong and he knows he has to be strong for others. He’s not afraid to talk, but he’s smart enough to know not many people know how to listen and so he does keep a lot to himself. In less than one hands worth of hours he’s woken by that haunting alarm sound…time to do it all again. Maybe today can be a chance for change!?